Dear Euripides Trousers:
I was thinking this week about how Australia frickin' rules and is tons better than Canada. At any rate, I decided to write a post about [b]everything[/b] I know about Australia and why it's so cool.
Mostly, I decided, it's 'cause all Australians love vegemite.
But there's other stuff, too: I used to know this cool guy name Brett when I was 17. He played Rugby in Australia. Anyway, once he told me Kylie Minogue had a sister. I forgot about this until now...anyway, I said, "Is she pretty?" He said, "You could probably boing her." That was really cool. And it was Australian. Kind of.
Anyway, I also knew an Australian swimmer girl named Mel in college. She taught me about Vegemite. And I know -- very well -- an Australian named Ben, whose dad is American but he's totally Australian and is always asking about my "mates."
I used to fight with this girl at a bookstore I worked at and Ben said, "If you give into hate, evil wins." And I suppose that's true. Fact: Those are the 3 Aussies I have known, and they ruled.
And then there's Midnight Oil. I'm a big fan of those guys. And the Church. And Robert Hughes. And Kylie...definitely Kylie.
MI:2 was in Australia. And I love Mick Dundee's girlfriend and her white blonde hair...and kangaroos with machine guns RULE...
Australians are just awesome...Even Dando hung out in Australia and he's just awesome and smoked TONS of crack..I love him too...
Who else....oh yeah, you guys have no Burger Kings...but you do have one Subway restaurant. lol ONE Subway, according to Ben...You need more Subways. Ben Lee is from Australia.
And you have Tina Arena...And Olivai Newton John...she rules and so does Xanadu...
And Jacko...And you have a women's soccer team that gets naked for Japanese yen. Australians love to get naked, I know that. They run naked in cities too I think. And you have like Arthur Boyd and no other painters. And you've got like Mel Gibson or something, too. He's really Catholic and made a great movie about Scotland and he loves to make movies about the American revolution. Which doesn't really make sense. But anyway ... no one knows your politicians. Except Peter Garret maybe...but that's the only one I ever heard of
....and also you were like all convicts, so your anscestors are SURELY convicts ET. That's scary and makes me distrust you.
Oh yeah: Baz Lurhman (sp?), who made Moulin Rouge, he's Australian. And Nicole Kidman is Australian...she was the coolest thing about Tom Cruise.
And one time I saw Elle McPherson and she posed in Playboy and said she didn't care if her dad saw her naked because he did all the time anyway which I thought was kinda weird but I'm a puritanical American so what do you expect? Also, Tom Selleck should be Australian because he played in Quigley Down Under. Australia...I think the Rescuers Down Under was there too...I love that movie...this little kid is like "No worries, mom! I've got my pack!" And then he has to run from poachers.
You guys have TOOOOOOOONS of poachers and they totally suck. And your coastline is totally exploited by development. That sucks and all the surfers are screwed.
On AQMB: Ham Soldier is from Australia...he hopes everyone will die slowly AND painfully. Gladiac was Australian (sp?). And you.
What is the Tucker Box? I hearda that. You also got Koalas...those rule. I used to drink Koala Coolers when I was a kid and they smelled really good and mango-ey...or something and I felt like I was in Australia. Isn't Hugh Jackman Australian? And also Natalie Imbruglia? She's no Kylie....I like Donk in Crock Dundee BTW. And also Charlie...he's cool. And you also have aboriginies...I was reading an article with Peter Garret and he was talking about some of those guys have been so exploited that all they ever eat is corn chips, Coke and cigarettes...that's weird...aren't they like the oldest people on the planet? Do they really use Bull Roarers? Oh, and that girl in the Muholland Drive is Australian. You also got the huge silver opera house, and that's how you know your in Australia because you see it everywhere...it's omnipresent...I love it...
What else is Australian? Geez. I thought this would be easy but I know a ton about the land down under. Who sang "She came from the land down under?" Yahoo Serious was also really cool and he invented rock and roll in a backwoods bathtub with an electric broom or something. I asked Brett about this and said: "My dear Austrailain friend Brett, did Australians really like Young Einstein?"
and he said: "Naw, Yahoo Serious is Tasmanian."
And that's all I know about Australia, except you guys drink krug....whatever that is.
I was thinking this week about how Australia frickin' rules and is tons better than Canada. At any rate, I decided to write a post about [b]everything[/b] I know about Australia and why it's so cool.
Mostly, I decided, it's 'cause all Australians love vegemite.
But there's other stuff, too: I used to know this cool guy name Brett when I was 17. He played Rugby in Australia. Anyway, once he told me Kylie Minogue had a sister. I forgot about this until now...anyway, I said, "Is she pretty?" He said, "You could probably boing her." That was really cool. And it was Australian. Kind of.
Anyway, I also knew an Australian swimmer girl named Mel in college. She taught me about Vegemite. And I know -- very well -- an Australian named Ben, whose dad is American but he's totally Australian and is always asking about my "mates."
I used to fight with this girl at a bookstore I worked at and Ben said, "If you give into hate, evil wins." And I suppose that's true. Fact: Those are the 3 Aussies I have known, and they ruled.
And then there's Midnight Oil. I'm a big fan of those guys. And the Church. And Robert Hughes. And Kylie...definitely Kylie.
MI:2 was in Australia. And I love Mick Dundee's girlfriend and her white blonde hair...and kangaroos with machine guns RULE...
Australians are just awesome...Even Dando hung out in Australia and he's just awesome and smoked TONS of crack..I love him too...
Who else....oh yeah, you guys have no Burger Kings...but you do have one Subway restaurant. lol ONE Subway, according to Ben...You need more Subways. Ben Lee is from Australia.
And you have Tina Arena...And Olivai Newton John...she rules and so does Xanadu...
And Jacko...And you have a women's soccer team that gets naked for Japanese yen. Australians love to get naked, I know that. They run naked in cities too I think. And you have like Arthur Boyd and no other painters. And you've got like Mel Gibson or something, too. He's really Catholic and made a great movie about Scotland and he loves to make movies about the American revolution. Which doesn't really make sense. But anyway ... no one knows your politicians. Except Peter Garret maybe...but that's the only one I ever heard of
....and also you were like all convicts, so your anscestors are SURELY convicts ET. That's scary and makes me distrust you.
Oh yeah: Baz Lurhman (sp?), who made Moulin Rouge, he's Australian. And Nicole Kidman is Australian...she was the coolest thing about Tom Cruise.
And one time I saw Elle McPherson and she posed in Playboy and said she didn't care if her dad saw her naked because he did all the time anyway which I thought was kinda weird but I'm a puritanical American so what do you expect? Also, Tom Selleck should be Australian because he played in Quigley Down Under. Australia...I think the Rescuers Down Under was there too...I love that movie...this little kid is like "No worries, mom! I've got my pack!" And then he has to run from poachers.
You guys have TOOOOOOOONS of poachers and they totally suck. And your coastline is totally exploited by development. That sucks and all the surfers are screwed.
On AQMB: Ham Soldier is from Australia...he hopes everyone will die slowly AND painfully. Gladiac was Australian (sp?). And you.
What is the Tucker Box? I hearda that. You also got Koalas...those rule. I used to drink Koala Coolers when I was a kid and they smelled really good and mango-ey...or something and I felt like I was in Australia. Isn't Hugh Jackman Australian? And also Natalie Imbruglia? She's no Kylie....I like Donk in Crock Dundee BTW. And also Charlie...he's cool. And you also have aboriginies...I was reading an article with Peter Garret and he was talking about some of those guys have been so exploited that all they ever eat is corn chips, Coke and cigarettes...that's weird...aren't they like the oldest people on the planet? Do they really use Bull Roarers? Oh, and that girl in the Muholland Drive is Australian. You also got the huge silver opera house, and that's how you know your in Australia because you see it everywhere...it's omnipresent...I love it...
What else is Australian? Geez. I thought this would be easy but I know a ton about the land down under. Who sang "She came from the land down under?" Yahoo Serious was also really cool and he invented rock and roll in a backwoods bathtub with an electric broom or something. I asked Brett about this and said: "My dear Austrailain friend Brett, did Australians really like Young Einstein?"
and he said: "Naw, Yahoo Serious is Tasmanian."
And that's all I know about Australia, except you guys drink krug....whatever that is.
I don't think it's possible to know less.......
And Montreal, I think.
